So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
