Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
