Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
