I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
