My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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