So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
