I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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