So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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