she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
