dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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