I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
