he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
