I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
