How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is Oprah even human
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
