Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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