We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need water and some morals
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
