Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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