I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
