if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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