Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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