The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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