Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
