ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
