Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
