i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
