watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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