Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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