I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
