We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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