mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize