i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
