Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
