I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
