hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize