So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
