Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
