Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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