I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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