I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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