found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
