Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
