I think my vagina is haunted
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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