omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
