this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
