is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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