Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
