we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
