the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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