why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
