So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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