Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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