so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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