Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
