I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
