Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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