Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
