at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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