Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
