road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
