Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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