i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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