By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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