I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
