If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
