I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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