but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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