From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
