Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
