You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
