I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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