Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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