I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
