The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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