You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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