please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
