You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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