mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize