Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
