Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
