Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
