if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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