You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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