She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's like iHOP with fire
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
