and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You left your phone here
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