Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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